


Things We Lost In The Fire

by Sokorra



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e13 Exit Wounds, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokorra/pseuds/Sokorra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Owen finds himself surviving a nuclear blast only to be hit with something he's not quite sure he wants to survive.  But that doesn't mean he's not going to fight it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by the song “Things we lost in the Fire” by Bastile which was playing while I wrote part of this

“Okay. So, if you're seeing this, I guess it means I'm, well, dead.

Hope it was impressive! Not crossing the road or an 'incident' with a toaster.

I just wanted to say, it's okay, it really is. You saved me.

You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities.

And I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you.”

Toshiko Sato ‘Torchwood’

 

~*~

 

Part I:  Owen

 

This was not...not okay. If someone took Spock’s tricorder and scanned this situation, they would find incredible levels of not okay. My Chemical Romance would sing a song about this situation.  If this was a book, it would have just been tossed out the window.  If this was a television series, it would say to be continued when everyone knew the show had just been cancelled.

 

He wasn’t at all sure why she thought it would be. Even if he didn’t love her, which apparently he did and wasn’t that a bit too fucking late a revelation, he was still her friend.

 

He had woken up in the middle of a bunch of rubble, not entirely sure how he got there. All he knew was that for the first time in many months, he was in pain. And bleeding.

 

 _Alive_.

 

Jack had found him, had stopped the car, put his head out the window and yelled with a grin on his face “Not the time for nudity, Harper. That’s after lunch. Get in the car!” He barely waited for Owen to get in the car before driving off. He had handed him clothes, told him Ianto had found him. But no where in that ten minute car drive did he say a single thing about Tosh.

 

Owen hadn’t even thought about asking. He had just assumed she’d be there, just like she always was. He imagined a scenario where he would walk through the door and find her standing there in shock. He’d walk right up to her and give her a kiss like he wanted to do at Gwen’s wedding. Their first kiss where he could actually take it further.

 

No one had thought to warn him, which he supposed was due to being in shock themselves. Apparently it had been a couple of days since her death so someone had cleaned up the blood stains, or at least had put a partial attempt. He had spotted a bit, and quipped about how messy they had gotten in the meantime.

 

His first knowledge that something was up wasn’t that Tosh wasn’t at her desk. It was Ianto’s face when he made that quip. A look that seemed to cross “I’m about to throw up” with “I’m about to weep extensively.”

 

It was Gwen who finally took him aside and told him what had happened.

 

She had been dying while he had been brought back to life. Almost like she had to give up her life to make him regain his own.

 

THIS WAS NOT FUCKING OKAY. He felt like there was pressure in his chest, like he was having an anxiety attack. He couldn’t began to access that part of his brain filled with medical know-how to explain he wasn’t. Maybe it was a nervous breakdown, he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything right then other than the fact that something stable in his world, the one thing he had counted on being there, wasn’t and he hadn’t had a clue.

 

“Owen, there is nothing you can do.” Jack stated, breaking Owen out of his thoughts. He had been sitting on the couch for the last few hours since Gwen had told him the news. He had been silent when she told him, saying nothing as she stood up and left him alone to try and digest the news and the emotions that ran through him.

 

“Like hell. I was a fucking zombie the last couple months and I’m alive now. There’s a way out there, I have to just find it.” As the certainty of what he needed to do came to him, he felt calmer, more steady. He would fix this. It would be okay again. He just needed a plan.

 

“There’s the risen mitten?” Ianto suggested with a tone that matched the duel “NO!” that erupted from the other two men. None of them wanted to make Tosh go through what Owen had. “I figured as much.”

 

“There is no way I would put her through that,” Owen reconfirmed out loud. “Its hell and then some. No, I’ll find some other way.”

 

“In the meantime, you should have some tea, and some food. I’ve got some broth cooking for you.”

 

“Thanks,” Owen stated softly, realising he was a bit hungry. It was an odd sensation to have after not having the urge to eat for the last couple of months.

 

“I put her things in your office, Owen, along with your own.” Jack moved from where he had been leaning against the doorway. Owen half wondered if he did that because he always had half a flirt ready at all times, or if it was just an odd quirk...this finding a doorway to lean against no matter where they were. Owen just nodded in response, and returned his thoughts to Tosh.

 

Tosh had been a constant in his life for the last five years. A comfortable, and uncomfortable presence. Comfortable because she had always been there, loving him from afar. He assumed for awhile it was a simple crush. The last year however had become uncomfortable. Knowing his own feelings for her had changed, that he was starting to want her the way she wanted him. There had been the realisations while she was with Tommy, and of course there was awkward dying bit. Its hard to date a girl when you can’t do most of the activities that make dating a good experience.

 

She had told him she loved him because she thought he was going to die. And he had. He wondered if that would have been some comfort if he had stayed dead. Had gone into the next world or whatever fucked up place he was destined for.

 

The funny part was that after he had died, been brought back, died again and been brought back, it had loosened the lost memories from Adam’s little brief stunt. Since the man had not appeared he figured enough time had gone past that the creature was long gone. Or he needed more than one person remembering him. He remembered how he had ended up switching places. Being the geeky boy in love with the confident Tosh.

 

He supposed now looking back that was a part of him, that shy guy. Reminded him a bit of school. He had gotten over that a long time ago. The emotions however were more recent and while it had been some altered version of him, they hadn’t been inaccurate. There was a part of him who was what Adam made him appear to be, and it could have been quite informative if someone had simply remembered.

 

And damn it, he _had_ sent her those flowers. When she got back, and he was going to concentrate on believing that, he’d have to get her some more. She seemed to like that.

 

He finally got up and moved to his office, figuring he probably should sort through his box of belongings and find some clothes other than the scrubs he had on. Maybe take a shower. Eat. He couldn’t smell that well, and he knew after so many months without any form of digestion, he was in desperate need of nutrients. Ianto’s plan of broth was a good idea. It would be easy on his stomach. The Doctor half of his brain went into how his stomach could not tolerate large intakes of food, he had to slowly build it up and at the start he’d have to stick to liquids. Except did it work the same way while you were dead? Either way, broth sounded like a good start.

 

So first food, a shower, and a change of clothes.

 

And then bring Tosh back. If there was one person in their mangy group of “outside of the law” rule benders who didn’t deserve to suffer for their misdeeds it was her.

 

He saw her box. Saw the datachip on top of the box. Almost without thinking, he found himself placing the chip into his computer and open the file located on it.

 

Seeing her face smiling back at him had been a good thing for a few seconds until he realised that this was her “Sorry I died” tape and he felt guilty at her admission.

 

“And Owen...You never knew... love you.”

 

“I love you too. ” he whispered to her paused face. _Should have said it to you before. And I knew, I knew so well._

A memory popped up of Tosh when they had been playing house to get to the bottom of that mysterious high-rise. It hadn’t been as horrible as he had imagined, but it had been horrible in its own way.

 

It had felt like a demented version of what Tosh had wanted one day. The two of them sharing a space, loving each other. Visiting with the neighbors as they all took the elevator down to work.

 

Apologising to the neighbors for the alien slime that was on the carpet. Charging Jack the bill for clean up.

 

Tosh hadn’t really wanted much. Just for him to see her, to love her. Which he had, only to die pretty much soon afterward and turned her dream into some sort of nightmare. It seemed almost tradition between them now. If Tosh found it pleasing, Owen could find a way for it to get screwed up and turned into some demented version of her drem.

 

He couldn’t take her out on a date because he didn’t eat, didn’t drink, was barely tolerable when he was alive let alone dead, and the end of the night would have been very disappointing. Tosh, he knew, would have been fine with cuddling, just having him near. She wanted the emotional parts of the relationship.

 

It had been he who had had the problem. He had finally gotten himself where he felt he could have a future with someone. And Tosh had been his friend too, so even without the romantic intentions, he would have wanted her to find someone who could give her all she wanted. The emotional side (he was too depressed, angry and afraid to give her anything) and the physical (nothing worked).

 

And now here he was, alive again, all ready to finally take things with Tosh to their inevitable conclusion, and she was dead. He half wondered if this was to make him understand how it felt for her?

 

He fully wondered if there was any way of convincing Jack to shoot his brother. Or letting Owen do it.

 

He had lost Katie, and then Diane (who he had almost been in love with, but not quite), so he wasn’t about to lose Tosh as well, who he had felt as strongly about as he had Katie.

 

_“You don’t have to worry about me,” a warm voice commented. Owen opened his eyes and found himself laying on his bed. He had no memory of getting there. Certainly no memory of Tosh laying there beside him, smiling softly down at him._

_“You’re dead.”_

_“As a matter of fact I am. I’m alright, Owen.” She smiled at him, brushing his hair with her hand. A small smile on her face. She looked beautiful and at peace._

_“Nothing is alright about this...You didn’t deserve to die.”_

_“Does anyone? It happens Owen. You can let me go. Live your life.”_

_“You never gave up on me when I was half dead.” She hadn’t. When he had given up on himself she had still rallied around him._

_“But I’m not coming back, Owen. It is too late.”_

_“Why do you keep saying my name?” He wasn’t sure why that stood out to him, but it did. She removed her hand and even though he realised this couldn’t be real he still mourned the loss of her touch. He really was getting soft._   
  


_“What do you mean?”_

_“Almost every time you speak you say my name. There’s no need to.”_

_“I know. It just happened. Nothing specific about it.” She had that cute look on her face that told him she was slightly confused by what he was saying and wasn’t sure if she wasn’t getting it or he was just going a little crazy that day._

_Usually he was just going a little crazy that day._

_He held his hand up and ran his fingers along her face like she had done to him earlier. He could feel her, but it was different. Almost like he could feel more of her then just what his fingers touched. She closed her eyes, tilting her hand into his palm, allowing him to play with her hair._

_“I love you,” Owen stated. It felt nice to say it to her face, even in a dream, rather than to an old video she filmed to say goodbye. She opened her eyes and smiled down at him, moving closer._

_“I love you too,” she answered, leaning her forehead against his, her fingers coming over to his neck. “Which is why I want you to move on. Find happiness.”_

_“I’m not sure I can. I’m not a good person, Tosh. I didn’t deserve you.”_

_“Its not about deserving, Owen. Love usually happens whether you deserve it or not. Its unconditional._

_“And in some cases unending.”_

_“But shareable.”_

_“I don’t want to share, I’m selfish like that,” he joked. “I want you to come back. Everyone wants you to come back. Out of the two of us, I think they were more broken up about you.”_

_“Only because they hadn’t had practice mourning me. If you were truly dead, Owen, they would mourn you just as much.”_

_“No, they wouldn’t. And I’m okay with that. But I’m not going to stop trying to get you back, and I’m pretty sure that Jack will come around to my thinking._

_She moved back from him. “Owen, don’t try to raise me up from the dead. It never ends well. Either Zombies or a person who likes to stand on the bottom of the ocean to test his deadness.” She had a pointed look aimed at him for that._

_“I won’t use the mitten. I won’t do that to you. But there are other options I can try.” He leaned in and kissed her, wishing for all he was worth(which wasn’t a lot in his opinion) that this was real, and not something cooked up in his mind to help him get over her._

_He was stubborn. He could even outlast himself._

 

“Owen!” He jumped back, nearly falling off his office chair where he had dozed off at Ianto’s call. “I have been calling you for a few minutes now. I finally decided to go to your office and I found you sound asleep.” He shook his head. “Maybe you should go to one of the rooms, get some real sleep. I’ll put the soup away for later.”

 

“No, I’ll eat now. Probably should get something in my stomach before much longer. Its really not used to this living thing anymore.” He got up, groaning at the aches in his body from leaning over the desk as well as various injuries from before.

 

He still wasn’t sure how he managed to get out of a meltdown and into the rumble of a house that was falling down. He was sure that Ianto and Jack had some idea. Gwen might as well. None of them were talking to him about it. As if it was every day type of event to find a teammate naked, in a pile of rubble, four days after you declared him dead in a nuclear meltdown.

 

He supposed in a way it was.

 

He followed Ianto into the dining area, and took the mug of heated broth. His stomach couldn’t take anything solid for awhile. Not after months of not eating anything. He’d have to take it slow or he would make himself sick and nothing would stay in. So broth and then soup for a few days. Then maybe he could try a sandwich.

 

Hopefully by the time he got Tosh back he could be eating all foods again and could take her out on a proper date like he had planned to.

 

He really needed to stop making plans for what he would do when he saw her. So far they weren’t turning out well. Maybe he should let her make the plans from now on.

 

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Owen gets help. Not that all of them agree he's doing the right thing.

Plan one (Resurrection Technology) didn’t pan out very well. The Risen Mitten was about all the resurrection gear they had, and they knew that didn’t come without bad side effects. You either died again or you came back to some semi-life where your brain worked but nothing ran. It also seemed dependent on who wore the mitten. Jack had worn it when it brought him back to life.

There were times that Owen wondered what exactly happened in the year that never was. Jack had vaguely explained the situation, but didn’t want to go into details. Didn’t think it mattered since it never happened anyway.  But for some reason, his curiosity of the subject always came up when they talked about that moment Jack resurrected him.

He wondered if somewhere in his subconscious he remembered what happened. What he did know is that one morning he woke up feeling calmer than he had in years. And also found that the idea that the idea of Tosh having a crush on him didn’t weigh so heavily on him. He didn’t feel the need to try to break her out of it so much.

It didn’t feel unnatural, but he wondered if perhaps he had worked things out in the year that wasn’t and his subconscious remembered even if his conscious mind didn’t. And that was what caused his change in the way he looked at things.

That wasn’t to say he was a new man. He had still been Owen Harper, still been sarcastic, pessimistic and on several occasions (ok, he’ll admit it more than just an occurrence) a bit of a arse. It was just that he felt different in the months following Jack’s disappearance.

He remembered walking through the storage containers searching for those cylinders that Hart had sent them looking for. Tosh and he had somehow gotten onto a conversation about their love lives - or lack of one as it would appear. It was hard to find someone you could be yourself with without telling them about what you did for a living. Gwen’s struggles were proof of that. 

He’s pretty sure that was when the idea of reciprocating Tosh’s crush, seeing where it would go was planted. Or perhaps Hart hurting her was a wake-up call to his own thoughts on the matter. All he knew is that he had been ready to tackle Hart for more reasons than just that Tosh was his good friend and his team mate.

He made a conscious effort not to think about that. Being shot sort of helped. Pain was a great focuser of one’s mind. All you could think about was pain. It also made him update the painkillers because apparently what he had did not do that much when one was shot.

Granted,it was bad medical policy to be running around Cardiff with a bullet wound in your side.

It was awkward around the hub for a few days. Gwen and Jack avoiding each other, Ianto and Jack adjusting to their new status. He had seen it coming. He wasn’t sure if Jack knew which one he loved more, but it was clear he wasn’t indifferent to either one of them. But Ianto could return his feelings, and the two of them were happy, which was what mattered. And Gwen was happy with Rhys, which was the usual anyhow.

It did leave Tosh and Owen the odd ones out. Neither of them had a significant other of any sort. Given Tosh’s crush on him, and the fact he didn’t feel quite as indifferent to her anymore it was mostly awkward for him. Tosh had long grown accustomed to her feelings for Owen that it barely measured on her scale of things to focus on.

He pushed it to the back of his mind and didn’t think about it, focusing on getting things in order now that Jack was back and he had a pufferfish to give an autopsy to and files to report.

He had a lot of time to think about that situation later, after he had died. It was a bit crazy how much thinking one can do when you didn’t need sleep. And he thought a lot. He thought about Katie, about his plans for the future. About how his parents must have reacted to his death. And how he felt about Tosh and how to stop feeling or thinking about Tosh that way.

He was dead, there was no hope and frankly there were more important things to do then drown in your sorrows over a lack of love life. He made himself get over it because he had no other choice. 

Or at least he made himself believe he was over it.  Owen was nothing if not a master at deceiving himself.

 

* * *

 

Plan B went something like this:

“What about the Doctor?”

“No, he doesn’t bring people back to life, Owen.”

“I’m not asking him too. If he could take me back to when Tosh was shot, I could get her taken care of so she didn’t bleed out before you got to her. I wouldn’t have to interact with anyone -”

“Except Tosh.”

“And it wouldn’t change the timeline that much.” Jack looked at Owen both sympathetically and critically, as if trying to see if Owen had finally lost it coming back to life. He supposed not dealing with things had made him a bit hyper now that he was actually dealing with them.

“Alright, I’ll see if I can get a hold of him. I’m not giving any guarantees. For all we know, this could be a fixed point in time.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“It doesn’t matter what you believe, Owen. It matters what  _ he  _ believes.”

“Just call him.”  Owen didn’t care for the pleading in his voice.  It didn’t suit him, but despite his best efforts it couldn’t be argued.

 

* * *

 

In the end the Doctor agreed to help. It wasn’t a fixed time in space, but there was something about that event that made him hesitant.

Apparently Toshiko Sato was the great grandaunt of a woman who would be a big part of the future. And apparently Tosh was to live long enough to leave a record to influence that woman. 

Owen on the other hand was supposed to have died. Truly died, not lived in a half-life state. At first he had a moment of panic thinking the Doctor thought he should be dead, but that was just by future records, and as with all history, there were always missing pieces. It did mean that it was possible that he would have to go somewhere else. Not exist on Earth anymore.

He could get Tosh back, but he’d have to give her up in exchange.

He thinks he can do that. As long as she’s alive, and happy, he can go. That’s what he thought was going to happen anyway. When he had thought he was going to die a second time he had been comforted by the thought that he had saved people but also that Tosh was there, she was safe, and she would live on.

Turns out she wasn’t safe, she wasn’t going to live on and she lied to him to make him feel better, which now only made him feel worse. Before he left, he was going to have to talk to her about that.

He supposed, if their lives were some movie it would be considered romantic. The two lovers who had never actually figured things out got to die together in the end. He didn’t agree. It wasn’t romantic. He had “died” in a reactor melt down and she had bleed to death. There was nothing romantic about those deaths. It might vaguely fall under tragedy.

And it was certainly not romantic to have your heart break because you love them and never thought to actually tell them. Or when you find out that they lied to make your last moments better. 

But perhaps it could be considered romantic to change time for someone, to sacrifice so they could live again. He didn’t know. He just thought that was what he needed to do. He had really never been good at grand gestures. Katie had always appreciated the few times he had tried, but he was too cynical even then for most of them.

 

* * *

 

His first kiss with Tosh had been at a New Year's party right before Gwen joined them. Everyone had been a bit plastered. He had been sleeping with Suzie at the time, so if it was a bad idea because Tosh felt something for him and at the time he was too closed up to feel anything back, it was made worse by the fact he was seeing someone else. 

‘Seeing someone’ might be a little strong for what he and Suzie were together. He always thought she was like him, not caring what everyone thought and just did what she wanted, but it turned out she felt a lot more then he realised. Not about him, he was just a passing diversion, but about everything else.  And like most things with Suzie during that time, their relationship was not a good idea.

But he sometimes thought about that night when he kissed Tosh. He hadn’t been that bad off - he had a higher tolerance than the others and knew how to space out the drinking just enough to keep from being too drunk to be able to do emergency surgery if called for it. Tosh on the other hand had been a little closer to the pass out drunk. She had been giggling and leaning on him. Not her usual mousey style behavior. He kind of liked it. He also liked the way she was fitting against him. So he took advantage of a lone piece of mistletoe Ianto had forgotten to take off from Christmas and leaned down to kiss her.

It was good. Not great, because both of them were drunk and there was only so much suave you can produce when you were on your fourth spiked egg nog.

Years later, when he was dead and had the opportunity to kiss her again, he found the first kiss to be better. Not being alive meant he couldn’t enjoy some of the side-benefits of kissing. She had been startled too and he couldn’t imagine how kissing a dead guy would be found enjoyable. He had been cold for one.   
  


It made him wish he had taken the opportunity to kiss her again before he died. And more determined to get Tosh to see he wasn’t worth it and move on. It would hurt like hell to watch her with another man, he had learned that already, but it would be a sight better than watching her hope there could be something between them when there couldn’t.

He couldn’t even kiss her for goodness sake. Not properly.  And she deserved that.

 

* * *

 

“You realise you won’t have much time.” The Doctor was not what Owen had expected. He looked younger than Ianto, like he was university student obsessed with History and Fezes. Although Owen could understand Jack’s attraction to the man -er, Time Lord. He was attractive, although a bit off putting to Owen. He was overly hyper and the poor girl following him around looked like she was about to ask him for some Ativan. There were moments Owen considered offering

“Yes. I just need to get the first aid going so that past Jack can save her life.” The Doctor looked unconvinced by his response.

“You can only do this. No changing the past in any other way.”  The man seemed oddly serious for all the silliness that had been his attitude when he had first arrived.  Owen was getting rather annoyed.  He understood he couldn’t change much.  He only wanted to change one item.  One item in the timeline that the Doctor had already confirmed needed fixed. 

“Understood.” His answer held hints of annoyance, which made Owen even more annoyed although this time at himself.

“Doctor, We have been dealing with time travel long enough to get the basics.” Jack said, trying to calm down the Time-Lord, and perhaps Owen himself. However, there was something in Jack’s eye that made Owen believe that the Captain was thinking of his namesake, and how he and Tosh had been lost in time two years ago (or sixty depending on your point of view). Jack hadn’t come back from that unscathed. Tosh either, though she had opened up to him about it.

Sometimes, Owen mused, he really was a twat.

If there was one thing they had in common, he and Tosh, it was falling in love with a person out of time, and falling very quickly. And getting their heart broken when the person had to return to their time (in the case of Diane) or finish their destiny (in the case of Tommy).

Watching her love Tommy was a bit odd in the first place. Even before he started having feelings for her in return, it was odd seeing her excited and primped up for some guy he had frozen in the morgue. It was awkward to see her be so sad for a few days afterwards.

And when he had started to feel something for her other than friendship, it took on a different feel. Noticing how she looked in the dress she dressed up in. Trying to understand the annoyance he felt when Tommy paid her attention. Trying to be her friend when Tommy finally sealed the time bleed. And it was awkward feeling awkward about it, especially since he knew it was not his place to feel anything about it all beside the concern of a colleague when a friend has gone through a traumatic event.

The whole situation sucked for him, and he wasn’t even the core two affected. It was one of the few times in a long time that Owen hid his own feelings on the matter and tried to help Tosh get through it herself.

Tosh didn’t need him. Not then. She really didn’t need him now. Which was for the best. Sometimes, though, he felt like he needed her. His little bit of hope and optimism in an otherwise pessimistic world. It was best if he needed her more than she needed him, especially if he was going to leave her in the end.

Tosh would be happy.  She’d move on, find a guy who deserved her, leave Torchwood and maybe have that domestic tranquility he knew she wanted.   He couldn’t see her finding work that different from Torchwood.  She found too much fulfillment in it, but she’d want the whole package and she’d make the adjustments necessary to get what she wanted.

And with Owen out of the picture, she’d be free to find it with someone who could give it to her.

“I just need to make sure we are all certain of our roles here.”  The Doctor brought Owen back out of this thoughts, making adjustments to his bow tie.  “Correcting time is tricky.  If you aren’t exact you can cause more problems, or fix one problem only to cause another one.”

“Wasn’t that a bit redundant?”

“No.”

 

* * *

 

 

The girl’s name turned out to be Clara, a school teacher in London.  She had been traveling with the doctor for about a year, and was used to his odd inflections. And apparently she felt the need to converse with him, make him feel more comfortable.  He figured she hadn’t been warned about his antisocial behavior.

“So you love this girl?”  Clara stated after a long silence.

“Yes.”

“And yet you never told her?”

“No.”

“And she’s going to keep on knowing that you don’t love her?”

“Apparently so.”

“Why?  Why are you putting yourself through this?”

“Because it's easier to see her alive and not with me then to be around and not with her.”

“I can’t decide if that's incredibly romantic or incredibly idiotic.”

“Thank you for your input.”  She just rolled her eyes.

“I’m not sure she’s going to thank you, that’s all.  When this is all over she’s probably going to think you were a hallucination, and you’ll still be dead and while you get to do whatever on the other side of the universe she’s going to be mourning.”

“Mourning is still better than dead.  
  
Clara made no motion to agree or disagree on that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tosh finds herself in a new timeline.

She couldn’t help the tears that fell down her face, unsure if it was because Owen no longer answered her or because of the pain she felt.  She was bleeding out, they wouldn’t be there in time.  She had known she would die here for awhile but couldn’t bare to share it with Owen.  
  
She loved him so much, her heart was breaking knowing this was truly the end.  After this moment Owen wouldn’t be able to come back.  There was nothing left of him to come back to.  And she wouldn’t be living much longer either. However that didn’t affect nearly as much as knowing that Owen was gone.

“Tosh,”  She opened her eyes, blinking blearily at the blurred figure before her.  Hands started to touch her arm and she recognized the touch.  It was Owen, yet not.  He was warm, almost boiling against her arm as he took her hand away to get a look at the wound.  “It’s okay Tosh, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry,”  she said to her hallucination.  For that was all he was.  “I’m sorry I never told you..”

“You can tell me later,” he said, injecting her with something and moving to lift her.  “I need your help!”  he yelled into the room and out of nowhere a man in a suit and bow tie came to help lift her onto the medical table.  Behind him a young woman stood, watching with a look of horror on her face.

“Is she going to be alright.”

“Of course she is,”  Owen stated, but she knew Owen, especially one out of her own mind and she could tell he was just trying to be optimistic.  There was something in his eyes she didn’t recognize.

“It’s okay Owen, I’m not scared.”  He paused in what he was doing to look down at her.

“Don’t talk like that, Toshiko.  You’ll be alright.”

“No I won’t.  You aren’t here, you’re gone. This is just my brain’s way of letting me go nicely.”

Owen laughed, strangled though it may be.  She couldn’t tell what he was doing, everything seemed to be fading.  “I’m not going to let your final thoughts be of me stitching you up.”

“Well, to be honest,” she said, her voice growing weaker, “this wasn’t what I would have thought I’d see either.”

“TOSH!”  The light faded and everything became dark, and she only wondered at the terror that seemed to wove its way through Owen’s voice.

_ It’s Okay.  I’m not afraid of the nothingness. _

 

* * *

 

 

When Toshiko Sato awoke she found herself being watched by Owen and Jack. She could hear Ianto and Gwen working in their cubicles, the sounds familiar and comforting in a way. She was lying on the surgical table, dressed in a pair of dark blue scrubs she could tell was a little big for her. 

She wondered if Jack saw Owen too.

“Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Jack said, his grin wide and surprisingly filled with tears. “You gave us quite a scare.”

“What happened?” she asked, her voice raspy,. Owen moved to get her some water. 

“You were shot, Owen arrived and got you fixed up but you passed out from the pain.”

“Sorry love, the painkillers didn’t kick in fast enough.” She blinked and looked at Owen who was giving her an odd look. But she didn’t care. Owen was there.  _ Owen was alive.  _ That was what mattered. She smiled and lifted her hand towards him and he took it. 

“You are really here?” It felt different though. His hand was warm in hers, as if he was alive again.  Just like in her dream.  Had she slept through it all. Had it been all a crazy dream?  The whole past year?

“Of course I am.” Owen gave her his “You are a little batty” look. “Temporarily, of course.”

“Yes, this Owen has to go back to his own time and we have to go pick up his sorry behind from some rundown house.” Jack decided not to reveal to Tosh that this version of Owen would disappear to somewhere else, and might eventually just disappear as the Owen from this timeline started to exist again.

“With some clothes please. The last time you picked me up, I had to ride all the way into Cardiff in the nude.”

“Tell me you got pictures,” Tosh stated, a grin on her face. She felt tired again, felt sleep coming to her, but the upturned motion of Owens lip at her joke made her feel like everything would be okay.

 

* * *

 

Tosh changed in the side room, having woken up to find that the Doctor had discovered a healing artefact that helped in cellular regeneration.  Her wound looked like it was from weeks ago rather hours.  He had warned that she’d still need to take it easy for a few weeks, but she was mostly out of danger.

Her mind kept drifting to Owen, who she could hear in the main surgical bay, straightening up.  She couldn’t quite get the look on his face when she woke up.  It was familar yet unfamilar.  And she didn’t know what it meant.

She opened the door quietly after she finished dressing.  She had a spare outfit that Jack had dug out for her.  A pair of jeans, a sweater she used to wear to keep out the cool damp of the hub out.  She left her hair down and walked slowly into the room where Owen stood silently, staring at the wall.

“Owen?”  He turned to her, clearly surprised at her arrival.  She didn’t quite miss the appraising look, but had to smile when Owen tried to hide it.  Owen rarely tried to hide it. “Thank you.”  She looked down, unsure what to say now that she had said that.

“I love you.” Her head snapped up and looked at him in shock. He looked like he meant it, but she still found it hard to believe.

“That’s not fair, Owen.” she said, her voice filled with emotion. “You can’t just say stuff like that.” He sighed,and looked away for a second, before looking straight at her and walking towards her.

“It’s the truth. I’m not expecting anything in return, Toshiko. I just had to tell you. At least once. I didn’t say it when I should have, and now that I have the opportunity to say it, I did.”

She continued to stare at him for a moment, as if testing his truthfulness on this matter. And then suddenly she was in his arms, her mouth on his.

This kiss was their best one yet. Neither of them were dead, though they were in another timeline. Neither of them were drunk. They had perfect control of the situation. And it was filled with the emotion they both had. They had both watched the person they loved die within the last few days. Longer for Owen then Tosh, but she had to go through it twice. It had its awkwardness too, but it was minor to both of them

Tosh wrapped her arms around his neck, not wanting to let go of him. Not after all this time when he had finally said what she wanted to hear. She hadn’t cared about all the other stuff. She knew he had, but to her it hadn’t mattered if they loved each other.

“I love you too,” she said when they finally let go of each other enough to breath. Their foreheads still touched, and she could feel his arms tighten around her waist as she spoke. “For so long.”

“I know. I’m sorry it took me so long to realise.” She flinched slightly, those words were too close to what he had said as he died. She didn’t want to think about losing him, not when she had gotten him back. Not only back but healthy and whole by anyone’s standards. Well, at least physically. She wasn’t sure either one of them was completely whole emotionally or mentally at times. But she would take what she could get.

She pulled him closer, kissing him once more. This time with intent of something more. She wanted to feel him all around her, reaffirm that this was real. He was here. He was alive. And he loved her.

He seemed to understand what she wanted, because she soon found herself lifted to sit on the medical bed in the center of the room. It put her a little higher then was exactly comfortable for what she had in mind. But she could work with it. She wrapped herself around him, leaning down to reattach her lips to his.

“Okay, not here.” he finally said, breaking away from her a few minutes later. His hands were halfway up her shirt, and his was open and exposing the tank underneath.  The look in his eyes delighted her.

“Then where?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Somewhere without the cameras. At least this time.” He grinned at her and then took her hand and helped her down from the surgical bed. “I know where we can go.”

The hub had a series of bedrooms put aside for late nights and strange guests through the rift. They weren’t used often, and were not very homey, but they would work for what Owen and Tosh had planned. He led her to the one he usually took on nights he was so tired he didn’t think he could make it to the hub’s front door.

Tosh closed the door as soon as she entered in behind him, pulling him to her as she leaned against it. She wondered if this should feel weird. They had never gone this far before. A few kisses in their history, a meaningful look or two, but unless you counted unconscious meetings in the middle of the night, they had never gone this far.

It was a little awkward, trying to figure out how to get each other’s clothes off without removing touch. Touch was important, keeping the reality that the other was there alive with them. This wasn’t a dream. This was real, and they were finally getting what they had wanted.

Owen looked surprised yet delighted when she took charge, pushing him towards the bed. They stumbled towards it, nearly tripping over discarded clothes and shoes, laughing before falling back on the bed and continuing on their initial path.

 

* * *

 

“There is something you aren’t telling me,” Tosh said later, relaxing in his arms, the blanket covering them from the cool air. She believed he had meant everything he had said, but there was something he was holding back. Something he didn’t want her to know. As the euphoria of the moment faded she started to get nervous about what he was going to say.

“It's not important, not right now.”

“Just tell me, Owen. I do better when I’m not surprised by something.”

“You aren’t going to like it.”

“Just. Tell. Me.”

“I have to go with the Doctor. Or rather, the new me will have to go with the Doctor. It was the price for getting to save you.”

“What do you mean..new you?” She ignored the leaving part - they could discuss that later.

“Three days from now, Jack is going to pick up a version of me that lying in the rubble of a house. I won’t have any memories of this. And I will fade away as time gets closer to him existing again. We aren’t meant to share the same space. I’ll fade away, and He’ll take my place. But he won't’ have my memories.”

“All your memories or just...this.” she said, making a gesture to the two of them.

“He’ll have everything up to the moment he died in that meltdown. He won’t really know why he has to go with the Doctor, not until Jack and the Doctor tell him.”

“What makes you think that the other you will go.”

“Because it means you are alive.”  He looked so confident in that statement that it both worried and warmed her.

“I’m not letting you leave me again,” she said determined. “If you have to go with the Doctor, I’m coming too. Or I’ll convince him to let you stay here.”

“No, you have to stay here. You have to leave behind a legacy your grandniece will be inspired by.”

“It is MY LIFE.” She said, angry. “I’m just about tired of having to live it by someone else’s terms, and for someone else.” She could feel the tears coming, and she could tell this was distressing him too, although in typical Owen fashion, it was only his eyes that showed he was bothered at all. But she knew him too well to be fooled.

“So let it be my turn, Tosh. I want you to be happy.”

“No. Don’t even go there, Owen Harper. Don’t tell me to move on and be happy. It hasn’t happened in five years, it's not happening.”

“No, it will. With me out of the way, you’ll be able to find someone who can make you happy and not make you cry all the time. Someone who will get you out of this place sometimes. Your Rhys.”

“I don’t want a Rhys. I want an Owen Harper, asshole tendencies and all.”

“You deserve better.”

“No, I deserve what I want. And that is you.” She shook her head. “I appreciate what you have done for me, keeping me alive. But I don’t think I could handle watching you walk away again. I can’t stand the idea of never seeing you again. So I’m going to fight this as much as I can.”

Owen smiled, running a finger down her cheek. “Which is why I wasn’t going to tell you.”

“You were just going to leave. No goodbye. Or was this your way of saying goodbye.” Her heart was starting to break and he wasn’t even gone yet. 

“This wasn’t part of the plan,” he said with a heavy sigh, sitting up in the bed. She sat up too, bring the blanket along with her, tucking ends beneath her arms. While most of her was focused on the conversation, she couldn’t help a little bit of her appreciating the half nakedness of Owen before her. She had rarely seen that particular sight. Actually, the times she had seen his chest were the times he was injured and when he had died.

Now she could appreciate it. He wasn’t built up, he wasn’t tan, but he certainly appealed to her.

“What was this so called plan.”

“Go back in time, rescue you before you bleed to death. Fade away before anyone notices and let the Doctor pick up the other me in a few days to go live on some other planet, maybe travel with him for awhile. The history books don’t have me in it.”

“Mostly because you are stupid and leaving before the history gets written down.”

“I do love you, Tosh. So much.”  In a move she hadn’t expected he pulled her close, their bodies aligned as much as the awkward position allowed.  “Enough to not mind not having my life back. It took coming back to the hub and finding you stashed in a cold box for me to figure it out, but I love you. This is the price for letting you live, and it's an easy price to pay.”

“Why did you choose now of all times to dump the selfish exterior.” she moved so it wasn’t as awkward. SHe was going to fight this tooth and nail. She wasn’t letting him go. Not after knowing that he loved her as much as she loved him.

“You are one to talk. How about lying to me when I was dying. Telling me that you were okay.” It was odd, being this close and being able to see the emotions swirling in his eyes.  Concern and anger this time.

“You couldn’t change anything, Owen. It was already breaking my heart knowing I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t add to it by having you know that I was dying along with you.”

“I would have wanted to know.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I would have changed my decision knowing that, but I’m sorry you had to learn that I died later on. But I’m not dead anymore.”

“No, that’s true. And I am eternally grateful for that fact.” He leaned in for a kiss, choosing something short and tender rather than the passionate embraces from earlier. “I’m glad I had a third chance.”

“Third times the charm, isn’t that what they say?”

He grinned, and she leaned in and kissed him again. She was still angry about the situation, but there was nothing she could do at the moment, and she was wasting precious time when she was with Owen to argue with him.

She pulled him close and held him tight, refusing to let go until she had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise for any grammatical/spelling mistakes. I did my best to check it, and when this completed I will revise the chapters with beta'd ones.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tosh decides she's not going to take this lying down.

“That was a horrible plan,” Toshiko stated as the Doctor told her what was going to happen. “Why does Owen have to leave?”

 

“Because the timeline says he’s not here.”

 

“And this bit of the timeline is set in stone.”

 

“No, but it's not set in cotton either.” The Doctor sighed and turned to his companion, a woman with dark brown hair  that Tosh barely remembered from the night she got shot.  Hard to believe that had been two days ago.

 

“You know what I think about the whole situation,” the woman responded. “He went through all that trouble to save her life and now they are both going to be heartbroken.”

 

“But  _ alive _ .” The Doctor was bending, she could tell. A little more convincing from her and Clara and perhaps they could convince him to let Owen stay where he was. Stay with her.

 

His words from earlier, before the alternate Owen disappeared, still played in her mind. The look in his eyes when he said it, showing how truthful he was being, how he wasn’t making a joke.

 

Owen Harper loved her. Loved her enough to cause temporal problems. Loved her enough to have to go exist somewhere else in time or space so she could live.

 

This was not okay.

 

She wasn’t about to let him get away with that. He was not going to tell her he loved her and just leave again. She wanted him to stick around. And he was alive now, so perhaps he wouldn’t be so adamant that they wouldn’t work out.  A little over twenty-four hours with Owen Harper was never going to be enough.

 

Although even Alt!Owen had claimed he wasn’t good enough for her. Why did he think he had a choice in the matter. She felt he was good enough, had always felt he was good enough. Otherwise she would have moved on to someone else years ago.

 

“What about the timeline would be altered by his being here in Torchwood. And would it actually be a bad change?”

 

“I don’t know time that minutely,” the Doctor admitted, brushing back his hair. “But as far as I know, Owen Harper doesn’t have a place in history.”

 

“Neither do I, only in my great-great-grandniece mind. She’s the one with a place in history.” It was weird to know of her grandchildren or nieces or nephews. The Doctor hadn’t said whether she had kids or not. 

 

She tried to banish the image of a little girl with Owen’s smirk from her mind.

 

“Doctor,” Clara said,  “Maybe he isn’t listed because no one wrote it down rather then he has no purpose.  Many people are part of historical events but don’t get mentioned by name. There is nothing really to say he wasn’t one of those people, the general mob of history.  Plus, most people don’t get their names written down for people to read about years down the line.”

 

“True, but Torchwood records have him dying a year ago, and a year of...undeadness.  Then nothing.”

 

“Would it matter that much?”  The Doctor sighed, looking worn and for a moment Tosh could see how this man who looked like he was a student who was just a bit kooky was really over half a millennia old.  He looked at her, a look of understanding, as if he knew what it was like to lose that person you loved so completely you would do anything to get them back.

 

She wondered who that person was.

 

“I’ll look into it,”  The Doctor Said, standing and putting his cup of tea aside.  “I won’t make any guarantees.”  Clara and Tosh shared a smile of success.

 

“Thank you Doctor.”

 

~*~

 

“I was starting to wonder if you’d ever leave that room,” Gwen teased her later when the two had lunch.  “I suppose it was making up for lost time.”

 

“He told me he loved me.”

 

“He meant it then.”  Tosh raised an eyebrow at her statement.  “I know things have been awkward between us in this area, since my ...affair,”  a word Gwen said with a mix of guilt and self-disgust.  “But it helped me understand Owen a little.  Owen doesn’t say I love you without meaning it.  He’ll say a lot of pretty things, but love he never jokes about.”

 

“I know he meant it.  He risked changing time to save me...but the Doctor says he can’t stay. That the Owen who is actually in this timeline is going to have to leave the station.”

 

“I’m sure they will find a way.  We are bloody Torchwood.  We are owed a good happy ending at this point.”

 

Tosh had to laugh, and Gwen soon joined in, their laughter brought on by the fact they could either cry about the ridiculousness of their occupation or laugh about it.  The last year had been hard on both of them.  On all of them.

 

“I’m not giving up on him again.”

 

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.”  Gwen said, a confident smile gracing her lips.  “You never did, why start now just because the wanker died.”  She started to smirk.  “Now, we just got to plan what your “welcome home”  surprise will be.

 

Tosh couldn’t help but blush at Gwen’s implication.  She also couldn’t help but smile, because Gwen’s idea wasn’t a bad one and it was better than chatting with Jack and Ianto who were cautioning her.

 

~&~

 

It was odd waiting.  She already missed him, and she had only had the full experience for a day.  But then she was used to missing him, and loving him when he wasn’t around.  That wasn’t a new experience.  Just the acting on those emotions.  She knew from the other Owen’s story that once the timeline reset, with his disappearance, it would be two days, maybe three before Owen would appear in the rubble of that house.

 

It was hard to keep busy, waiting for the Doctor to make a decision, half planning things with Gwen, whom she had to say no to a few times.  Gwen was a bit more adventurous than she was right now. She wanted her Owen back.  She wanted to hear him say those words and be able to stay.

 

She wanted that date, damnit.  She wanted to be able to dance and hear his heartbeat.  Be able to make him her mother’s recipe for mochi.  Be able to to rest her head on his shoulder as they did paperwork on the couch or hold hands as they explored warehouses for alien tech.

 

She wanted the whole shebang.  If she had to leave earth, she would.  She wasn’t letting him go.  Not when she knew he loved her.

 

The thought that perhaps he wouldn’t be able to say it crossed her mind.  After all, the other Owen (and it seemed so wrong to call him that, but he was gone) had told her it took knowing she had died for him to really know he loved her.  Did Owen need that to love her or could he love her without it.

 

She hoped so.  Part of her believed it so much, but another part of her was scared this was all a play, that alternate Owen had been too far different than the Owen she would meet in a few hours.

 

But she loved him, so she had to try.

 

Watching him fade away had been harder than she had imagined, knowing that Owen was still there, that he wasn’t gone.  Still, it felt like she had lost him again.  When they first noticed that he was starting to go, he had gone to leave, to be alone when it happened.  She hadn’t let him.  This time she planned on staying with him as he slowly dematerialised, or whatever it was called when you stopped existing because you had to exist elsewhere.

 

She wasn’t sure she had it in her to cry anymore, not after hearing him die in the first place, then watching him slowly fade from sight, slowly losing her ability to feel him with her.  She had managed to keep it together till he was gone from her sight.  Then she had broken down again.

 

Which made it all the more important that she manage to save Owen too.  That was what partners were supposed to do, have each other’s back.  Owen had saved her life.  She wasn’t going to let him loose his because of some historical oversight.

 

But she also made the hard decision that she wasn’t going to push for a relationship.  She didn’t want to loose him, but she didn’t want him to love her for the wrong reasons.  When he told her he loved her, if he told her, she wanted it to be because he honestly felt that way.

 

The other Owen had figured out his love for her because she died.  It shouldn’t take that much of an impetus for one to realise you were in love with someone.  Or maybe it did for some people, and she was just alone in the waking up one morning and just realising your crush had stopped being that odd feeling in your stomach to being just another fact of life.

 

She thought about the few days she spent with Owen, pretending to be his wife as they investigated that hightower.  It had been a dream come true, a nightmare, and the most awkward mission she figured she had that year.

 

Nothing was more awkward then that body swapping incident with Gwen.  The two women swore never to bring it up.  Ever.

 

She had enjoyed the ease of it, but it was also painful because Owen didn’t want her.  He had expectations for what he thought a relationship should be.  Apparently both partners being fully living was one of the requirements.  But it made her think.  Had that not been an issue, if Owen had been fully alive, would that have changed things.  He had seemed interested before his death, been flirting a little more.  But then he had died, and she had told him she loved him, and...

 

She sat up straight at the thought, realising that if she had died in the other version of this timeline, then they would have had to put her in the cold lock up.  They would have deleted her files, and no doubt watched her farewell video.  The one she hadn’t updated in months.  Where she had told Owen point blank that she loved him.

 

She wondered if he had watched that.  If that was why he told her.  She couldn’t bare it if this was some sort of compassionate lie.  She blocked out the thoughts, because in the end it didn’t matter.  She was alive, so was Owen, and if she had to live her life separate from him, she’d do it.  It wasn’t like she hadn’t had practice.  

 

She would have to get the others to leave out her and Alt!Owen’s little hideaway.  Owen didn’t need to know about that. At least not right away.  She doubted she could have kept it a secret for too long.

 

This was going to be awkward to explain.  “Hey, Honey.  I had a lost weekend with your other self.  Hope you are okay with that.”

 

She groaned and put her head in her arms and blocked everything out.  This was not going to be pretty.

 

~*~

 

“While I still feel this may be a bad plan, it has been pointed out to me that this is not necessarily a set in stone piece of time.  Given Torchwood's....anonymity,  that could account for Owen’s not appearing in any records.”

“But you’ll let him stay.”

 

“Yes,”  The Doctor sighed.  “Just try not to revive anymore of the dead would you.  It is quite a hassle you know.”  Clara, standing behind the doctor rolled her eyes and shared a look with the others.  “As for me, well it's off to my next adventure.  Clara?”

 

“I’ve been ready.”  She said with a smile at her companion.  “You're the one with the thousand and one Fezes.  Get a move on.”  The Doctor and Clara left them in the room, goodbyes in their wake as they bickered going into the Timebox.   _ Tardis  _ she believed Jack told them.  

 

“Alright,”  Jack said clapping his hands together and turning to the rest of them.  “Looks like we have a dead man to resurrect. “  He smiled, and the rest of them Tosh noticed smiled with him.  Jack was one of those people with the unique ability to change the mood in the room with a smile or tone.  He could bring the world to its knees, she thought somedays.  She was glad instead of conquering it he was dedicated to saving it.

 

“Since I’m supposed to pick him up, that is what I shall do.  Tosh, do you still have Owen’s apartment keys?”  She blinked at the question, unsure how Jack knew that she had the keys.  Owen had given them to her a long long time ago when he was still doing his heavy drinking/hangover deals.  It was so if he was really needed she could come over and kick him out of bed without Jack really knowing.

 

So of course Jack knew.  She rolled her eyes internally,  and at herself.  She should have known that Jack would know.  

 

“I do.”

 

“Owen’s going to need some clothes, so I need you to go over and get some.  Ianto, I think we need to think of a way to reintegrate Owen into the living.”

 

“And what should I do,”  Gwen asked. 

 

“You get to mind the shop while we all try and pick up the pieces from the past week’s craziness.  Make sure we aren’t missing anything.”

 

“I suppose someone has to do it.”  Tosh smirked slightly.  Gwen was clearly caught between wanting to do something to help their friend and wanting to make sure the paperwork and everything was done correctly.  She had never seen someone who was so pleased by doing things like paperwork and procedure.  She supposed it was something that Ianto and Gwen had in common, other than their affection for Jack.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Owen comes back from the Dead, third time's the charm.

Owen Harper awoke in the middle of a pile of rubble. He was pretty sure there was splinters in his arse, and frankly although he could have woken up in a worse position, but not many.

 

“Hey, Harper. We don’t have time for nudity.” He turned to find Jack with his head hanging out of the car. “Get your ass in here.” He walked out of the house and into the car, surprised when Jack tossed a stack of his clothes in his direction. As if he was expected to be naked.

 

“To be honest, I’m not sure I mind the nudity,” Jack commented, focused on driving. “There should be more nudity in my opinion.”

 

“I prefer the clothes, thanks.”

 

“So how does it feel?”

 

“How does what feel?”

 

“Being alive again.” Owen paused and took internal stock of himself. He could tell his body temperature was up, he could actually feel a pulse when he pressed two fingers on his wrist, and his body had regained a slightly pick look. He had always been a bit pale.

 

This would explain why he hurt like hell.  Although he wondered how Jack had known about it.

 

“Tosh went to your apartment and got you some real clothes,”  Jack continued as Owen shrugged on the t-shirt that had been in the pile. “ Ianto’s probably got some Ibuprofen for you.

 

“You seem less surprised than I am at my predicament.”

 

“We may have gotten a note.”

 

“A note.”

 

“Yes, A note.”

 

“Saying “Owen Harper. 12 Pine Street. Nude.”

 

“Actually it was mostly in the form of a person - you - saying to pick up your sorry pale ass before you ended up with more splinters.”

~*~

  


There were few times that Owen was hit with a realization.  He was usually an observant man, but he knew he had his moments of obliviousness.  He wouldn’t admit it outloud, but he knew.  The realisation of his feelings for Tosh had been long in coming and he had been hit with it just as the light got all encompassing.  He had shrugged it off on the way to the Hub, figuring when one is thinking they are going to die, a lot of weird stuff goes through their brain.  Having died twice, he could say it was factual.

 

Except when he walked in and saw her standing there, wearing what he knew to be her comfy clothes he rarely saw her in at work.  In fact, he mainly knew them from the few nights they had crashed at her place with weird movies and she had curled up into him.

 

He had always known he had a thing for her, although for the first few years he assumed it was the usual reaction to a good looking woman in your day-to-day life, but over the last year or so, things had changed.  Their friendship had settled into something more comfortable, and they had had almost dates and movie nights where he, hopefully uncreepy-like, watched her sleep because he couldn’t sleep at all.

 

He wanted to run and kiss her, for once alive and sober at the same time.  But he just stood there and gave her a small smile, following Jack to Ianto who held the blessing of the painkillers in his hand.

 

“What happened here?”  he asked, as they passed the medical room.  The concrete was stained red.  It looked like someone had bleed all over the place.  Someone had tried to clean it up, but there was still a faint outline of tinted red concrete around the stairs and the bed below.

 

“We had a medical emergency,”  was Jack’s cryptic answer and Owen caught his spare look over to Tosh who couldn’t seem to meet their eyes, settled into her tech nook across the space.  Something was up, something they weren’t telling him.

 

“Who?”  He and Jack held a look for a few moments.  Whatever Jack saw must have led him to believe he should tell Owen the truth because after a moment or two he sighed and explained.

 

“Gary shot Tosh.”

 

“Shot...Tosh.”  The facts were stirring in his brain.  This must have happened while he was in the reactor.  Which means Tosh was laying on the cold concrete floor bleeding to death while he was screaming.  And she never said a word.  He turned to look over at where Tosh sat, still facing away from him but no longer acting like she was oblivious to the conversation.

 

“Yes.  But as you can see, everything turned out alright.”  Jack said, bringing his attention back to the older man.

 

He wanted to yell that no, nothing was alright because Tosh was hurt, and she hadn’t said a word.  He had been so wrapped up in his own pending death he hadn’t thought to ask her if she was okay.  She had been crying and he had assumed it was because of him.  Maybe he was a self-centered bastard,  he never did quite deny that, but he had assumed it was about him.  It was those tears in her voice that had given him a sense of calm, a sense of purpose.

 

It had broken his heart to hear those words.  All he knew was that she needed to know he hadn’t meant to do that, hadn’t meant to break her heart.  She let him go on and on about missed opportunities and she was bleeding out.

 

He turned to look at her again, and this time she looked straight at him.  She looked okay, didn’t look like the recent recipient of misshapen metal, but he’d been in this job long enough to know appearances can be deceiving.

 

Forgetting the painkillers he walked over to her, looking her up in down in a methodical way as he pushed back the screaming version of himself to bring forth the doctor.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I am now.”  She smiled softly,  and put one sleeve covered palm on his shoulder.

 

“Where?”  He wish he could be more verbose, but it seemed she understood.  Her hand slipped from her shoulder and joined her other as they moved her sweater up to expose her abdomen.  He  knelt down to look at it, raising his now unbroken hand to touch the still red scars along her belly button.  The medically trained part of his brain kept going through the facts, knowing if she had been hit there, it might have meant internal damage, perforated bowl.  Yet she stood before him looking like it had been weeks ago, instead of days and she was okay.

 

He looked up at her then,  and had to swallow as the look in her eyes made the medical side of him flee and just leave the screaming freaked out man who might possibly be in love with the brilliant and beautiful woman who stood before him.

 

“The Doctor found a device that healed tissue faster.”  she said quietly, as if she was afraid she break the mood.  Her hands released the sweater as he stood to stand next to her, his hands moving to settle on her hips.

 

“I’ll still want to take a better look.”

 

“Anytime,” she said and he for once bit back the comment that was on the tip of his tongue.  It didn’t seem the moment for it.  However, Jack decided whatever this moment was, it was time to interrupt it. Fucking wanker.

 

“C’mon, Owen.  Let's get you situated with some pain killers and some broth.  The other you said your stomach might take some time to adjust.”  Tosh moved away, and his hands fell to his sides as she turned to look at her desk.

 

“Coming,” was his response and he walked backwards a few steps, keeping his eyes on her before swinging around and walking away.

 

God, he was confused.

 

~*~

 

Tosh found him later on the couch, his feet hanging over the side, one arm flung over his eyes while the other rested across his stomach.  She knew he was awake, too wired to fall asleep despite the exhaustion.  He had been drifting in and out all day, drinking broth periodically.  Apparently the aftermath of being dead, resurrected but still pretty dead and then being fully alive again took its toll on the body.  She remembered before the Doctor left he told them that Owen would probably feel the effects for several months, although most of it will be gone within a week.  Just lots of rest, fluids and taking it easy just like any other illness.

 

She didn’t really think one could compare being dead to having a cold, but there you were.

 

She recalled that moment from earlier as she watched him, so different than their usual interaction.  Initially he had seemed all business, making sure his coworker and friend was alright following being shot.  But when he had knelt down and started examining her scar before looking up at her, something shifted between them.  It became less professional and more just them.  She had wanted to kiss him then, wanted to lean into him, but Jack had interrupted them, and frankly she was glad.  She still had all the memories of the Owen who now technically never existed muddled up in her brain.  She didn’t want to push on this Owen what might not be what he believed.

 

The facts remained as this:  She was in love with Owen.  She had gotten two days where Owen had reciprocated and they had acted on those feelings.  It didn’t change how she felt, just gave her a few memories to dwell on if this should never happen.  Owen however had been reset.  He had no memories of the past few days, being in whatever lalaland one goes to when one is neither living or dead. Before this he hadn’t been showing that much interest in her.  Sure, he had agreed to a date, had kissed her, but he spent most of the time telling her to let it go and find someone else.

 

She bit back a giggle as an old joke about Schrodinger's cat drifted through her mind.  She didn’t want to wake Owen.  She walked towards him, sitting lightly on the coffee table, moving his half empty mug of broth to the side so she wouldn’t knock it down.

 

“You know,”  came a tired but amused voice, “It's considered rude to watch people as they sleep.”

 

“Oh, really,” she responded with a teasing tone, one eyebrow raised.  Owen’s lips twitched as if he was forcing back a smile.  “Did someone finally break the bad news to you,” she continued, knowing that Owen had watched her sleep from to time when he was over at her house for movie night.  She hadn’t minded, feeling safe with him instead of creeped out.  Of course, there were probably many things she should have felt around Owen that she hadn’t.

 

“Yeah, apparently it's this memo someone forgot to CC me on,”.  He gave up his attempts to hide his face, his arm going to land next to his other one.  His typical smirk resided on his face, but the look in his eyes was warm, softening it a bit.  “Probably Jack.  There’s a reason Ianto’s in charge of the paperwork.”

 

“I heard that!”  came a familiar voice from the other side of the hub, which led both Owen and Tosh to laugh, until their eyes met again, and the emotion from earlier settled in.  He shifted to sit up on the couch, his left knee touching her right one.

 

“I’m glad you are okay,” he said in a soft tone, one she wasn’t used to hearing from him.  She had heard it a couple of times, like when he was trying to comfort her after Tommy.  

 

“I’m glad you are too.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt.”

 

“It wouldn’t have done you any good.”

 

“Still, I would have wanted to know.”  He looked away from her so she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  “I would always want to know, Tosh. There are few people I care about more then myself, and you are one of them.  If you are hurt or in danger I want to know.”

 

“Even if there was nothing you could have done?”

 

“Even then.”  She sighed.  They weren’t going to agree on that.  She just hadn’t wanted his last minutes to be about her dying.  Or trying to give her medical instructions, because frankly he was never really good at instructing.  And she knew she was dying, there was nothing to do about that.

 

“Well, it's a moot point now, isn’t it.”

 

“I don’t think so.  Jack filled me in on what happened.  About another me coming back to save you, about how you nearly died on the table and if he hadn’t come no one would have been here soon enough to save you.”

 

“I can’t tell you half of what went on, Owen.  At that point I was pretty out of it and you had just...”

 

“Been gone?”

 

“Yeah.” She shifted so she was closer to him, realizing as she looked up at him that perhaps this wasn’t the best thing to have done.  She was very aware of just how alive he looked.  His skin glowed with new life, and she could feel his body heat against her side.  And there was no longer anything to deter him from making the promise his eyes had made earlier kept.

 

“It made me think, about why I would bend the rules of time - why I would be allowed to bend them because we all know that Jack would fix time even if it meant losing us.”  It wasn’t said maliciously as she might have expected a year ago, just matter-of-factly.  Jack had been working for Torchwood longer than anyone, and before that he had been a Time Agent and a traveler with The Doctor.  Despite not wanting to lose anyone one of them (and he would always try his best to save them, they all knew that to be a promise he’d keep) he’d still put the world first.

 

“You must have been convincing.  Even got the Doctor involved.”

 

“Jack told me what happened there to.  That you convinced the Doctor I belonged here.”

 

“You do.”

 

“Would you have really traveled around the universe with me if that had been the only option?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Tosh...”  She met his eyes and was surprised to see a look of surprise and perhaps something she had hopped for behind that.  “Why would you do that.”

 

“Because I love you.”

 

“You shouldn’t.  You deserve better than a cynical bastard like myself.”

 

She huffed a laugh,  amused yet not at having this conversation again.  “I think I get to decide who's worthy of my love.”  She looked at him straight in the eyes, raising a hand to touch his check.  “And for the past four years, it's always been you.”

 

There was a moment of just staring at each other, as if trying to figure out where they stood with each other before he crushed her into him, their lips meeting awkwardly before they adjusted themselves on the couch for easier access.

 

Owen couldn’t help but compare it to the kiss they had when he was dead.  The sensations were so much different, and it was charged with the realization that he deeply cared for this woman.  Loved her even, which the other version of himself had finally gotten his head out of the ground long enough to tell her.

 

“Oi!” They broke apart at Gwen’s exclamation.  They both turned to see her standing nearby, an amused grin on her face.  “Not on the bloody couch.  We all sit there.”

 

“I do believe I remember you and Rhys making such proper use of this couch,” Owen said, and Tosh bit back a laugh.  Apparently Gwen took the tease in turn.

 

“Aye.  But I don’t believe our hands ever got _that_ far.”  she continued to tease.  Tosh blushed, removing her hands where they had still be resting on Owen’s back between his t-shirt and skin.  Owen on the other hand didn’t move his hands, which continued to be on her back,  his thumb perilously close to her bra.  They had slipped a little with her movement.

 

Owen just smirked.  He opened his mouth to say something but Tosh decided to intervene before Owen said something that made Gwen want to toss something at him.  She had plans for the man beside her, many of which would be difficult if he was concussed.

 

“Did you need something Gwen?

 

“The rest of us are going out for a quick bite.  Do you two want to go along?”  It looked like Gwen wanted to say more, but she stopped herself.

 

“Thank you Gwen, but I think given we are both still having sensitive stomachs, it's probably just as well we stay in.  Have fun.”

 

“You, too.  Although please try to keep it out of the community areas...I have enough trouble running into Ianto and Jack.”  She smiled at the two of them before exiting, and they could hear the other two men follow her out the door.

 

“You didn’t have to stay behind.”

 

“I’m still not feeling the urge to go out. Plus I believe we were up to something.”

 

‘That is true.”  Owen pulled her in closer.  “And at least now there is something I can do about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this story was a long time in coming. I apologise for the change the characters might be a little out of character. Especially in this chapter. I'm planning on someday revising this once I get a beta and making it a little stronger, but after two years, I'm just glad I'm done with this draft and can share it.
> 
> Thank you to all the people who helped me with this, as well as those of you who left kudos and comments and made me keep working at it.

They had managed to make their way to the private rooms, so Gwen did not have to fear the furniture in the office had been violated.  It wasn’t as she imagined.  She had the memories of the other Owen, but perhaps the fact that this one knew he was sticking around made it different.  Plus that Owen had been recovering for several days, the one who currently slept with his head on her chest, his arm wrapped around her had just been revived earlier that day.

 

It made her think of a conversation that she and Gwen had had before they had left to do their tasks for Jack.

 

_ “Be Careful, Tosh,”  Gwen stated, touching Tosh’s arm to stop her as she was walking out the door. _

 

_ “Be careful of what?” _

 

_ “I know how much you care for him, “  Gwen continued, and Tosh could see that the woman sympathised.  Gwen had always had the largest heart of the whole group.  She helped make it okay for the others to show their own.  “I just don’t want either of you to get your heart broken.” _

 

_ “We’ve been breaking them for years, Gwen,”  Tosh said picking up her purse.  “Maybe for once we can try healing them.” _

 

_ “Maybe.  I don’t doubt for a second that the two of you belong together.”  She smiled,  “I’m just afraid that you might not both be ready for all that comes with the trying.” _

 

_ “You don’t think I'm ready?” _

 

_ “Actually, I’m not sure he is.” _

 

_ “You mean Katie?” Tosh didn’t really know that much about Owen’s late fiancee, only that he didn’t talk about how she died, and it had something to do with why Owen joined them. _

 

_ “Jack told me about her.  Her death really messed up Owen.  It's half the reason he was the womanizer of the group when I first arrived.  It's only in the last year that it seems he might finally be ready to move on.  But Tosh he’s just barely ready.” _

 

_ “Is this your older sister “Hurt him I hurt you” speech.”  Gwen scoffed. _

 

_ “I don’t know about you, but I doubt I could ever call my relationship with Owen as sisterly.  Just...be careful, Tosh.  I love both of you, and I don’t want to see either of you hurt because you rushed things.” _

 

_ “Don’t worry, Gwen.  We’ll be okay.”  And she really hoped she could keep that promise. _

 

She wondered if she was breaking it now, laying here as Owen slept, probably the first deep sleep since he died several weeks ago.  She hadn’t intended on making love to Owen so soon.  She had the conflicting memories of the two Owens.  They had been different, perhaps because their method of realizing how much they cared for her was different.  This Owen still hadn’t said that he loved her.  The other did it without much hesitation.  And the other had let her led, in a way that made her feel like he thought she was going to disappear on him. This time it had been pretty much equal.

 

But then again, the one with her now knew that tomorrow he’d still be there.  The other knew he wouldn’t.

 

She ran her hand through his hair absentmindedly as she stared at the ceiling and thought about how their relationship would change.  They could never go back to just platonic.  She wasn’t sure she was capable of that.  Gwen had been much stronger in that then she would have been.  Of course with Gwen and Owen it had just been sex.  Gwen didn’t have any romantic attachment to Owen.  

 

“You are thinking too loud.”  She felt him move his head so he was looking up at her, lifted so his chin wasn’t digging into her chest.  

 

“Many things to think about.”

 

“I think we can sleep and think about it in the morning.”

 

“I can’t seem to shut it off.”

 

He moved himself off her, situating himself higher on the bed, leaning over and kissing her in a slow thorough way that didn’t seem like the Owen she was more familiar with as far as sex went.  He released her,one hand on her chin keeping her facing him.

 

“I promise I’ll still be here in the morning to talk about it.  But you need sleep too, Love.”  he let his fingers trail across the skin of her cheek and down her neck to rest on her shoulder.  “I can make it a doctor’s order if you like.”

“Owen, do you want this?”  He looked surprised at the question.

 

“Well, I would think my presence here would state that I do.”

 

“You seemed so unhappy about it a few weeks ago.”  Skypoint.  He had cracked jokes but it was clear he hadn’t liked the idea of being attached to her.  She wasn’t sure why all of a sudden that insecurity was coming to the front.  She had been so sure just a few minutes ago.

 

“Well, considering I had a woman I cared deeply for, was attracted to, yet could never do the things that a normal couple would yet was forced to recreate it like  it wasn’t the case, I wasn’t particularly happy with the situation.  I tried to blame it on not feeling anything, but I think we both know that is a lie.”

 

MORE HERE

 

~*~

 

Owen had never been a big sleeper, so even though his body begged for more sleep, he couldn’t find it.  So he left Tosh laying in the bed, a stray post-it serving as a note in case she woke up, and wandered out into the Hub.

 

It was quiet with everyone gone.  Myfanwy could be heard making soft snore like sounds from its nest above them.  He made his way to refrigerator the team stored things in and grabbed a beer, before deciding he had seen enough alcohol come right back up for him to try it again.  Maybe in a few weeks when his body was used to living again.  Instead he grabbed a water and went to set at his office.

 

It almost seemed like nothing had happened.  That six weeks ago Martha Jones had come to town and they had solved a mystery and no one got killed and revived.  That he got that date with Tosh, got to finally explore his growing attachment to her. He supposed it was ironic that he had only truly understood his feelings  _ after _ he had died.  He sighed as he looked at his water bottle.  Introspection was funner when one was wankered.

 

He had always known Tosh had a crush on him.  She never tried to be particularly subtle about it.  He had never been quite that confident in showing his emotional leanings.  Sometime around the time Jack disappeared for his vacation with his Doctor, Owen had started to noticed that it wasn’t quite as one-sided as he had previously thought.  Maybe as he settled into life without Katie, and started to feel he could open up again, Tosh had settled in there.  She was one of his best friends, and she really liked him.  She laughed at his stupid jokes, and still liked him even when he was been a grade A asshole as he was prone to be sometimes.  

 

He tried to pinpoint the time it shifted from being friends to something more and he really couldn’t.  They had teased that line over the years.  She had steadily been there really while he ventured close but always skittered away as if he was afraid.

 

And maybe he was. It was why he had kept pretending he didn’t know Tosh was asking him out on a date, kept pretending that it didn’t make him jealous to see her dressing up for Tommy.  After he died, he was worse because they both knew that point there was something there.  He had been particularly cruel at times.  Pushing her away for her own good, though she had stayed with him.  How much does a woman have to love you to stand next to you while you're undead and screaming that you don’t want her, that you don’t have anything to give her and don’t even want to try.

 

Yet here she was, waiting for him back in that on call room, still loving him.  He closed his eyes, leaning back in the chair.  She deserved so much better than what he gave her.  He wasn’t sure he’d be able to change, to be able to be the man he thought she deserved.  But it was too late now, he was too much of a selfish bastard to let her go now.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” He opened his eyes to find Ianto standing a few feet away, looking as prim and proper as always, hands instead of his pant’s pockets as the only sign of informality.

 

“Didn’t realise you rated them that high.”

 

“I’m feeling generous,”  Ianto said with a shrug. 

 

“What are you still doing here?”

 

“Lots to do, plus Jack actually lives here.”

 

“I forget about that.”

 

“I think we all do.  I’m trying to convince him to actually leave once and awhile. And that’s not going to distract me from asking about what made you decide to wonder out here in your grunts?”

 

“Well, if you insist,”  Owen made to take off his boxers, not really planning on it, but Ianto just stared at him, as if the idea of naked co-workers wouldn’t phase him, so he stopped.  It was no fun when Ianto didn’t take the bait.  “Honestly, Ianto, I just needed to think.”

 

“About Tosh?”

 

“You are being annoying perceptive today.”

  
  


“Just another service I provide.”    He walked towards where Owen was sitting and sat down beside him.  “Also, it's pretty obvious considering recent events.”

 

Owen said nothing.  The last few days have been nothing but confusion. There was that whole mess with Gray, which while it seemed like just yesterday to Owen, had been four days ago to the rest of them.  Or five now.  Either way, they had started to move on to their next end-of-the-world assignments.  And now he was sitting here, given a second chance at being alive (and actually alive), and all he was was confused.

 

Was this permanent? And he didn’t just mean the living bit, though he meant that a bit more.  It was also this strange new thing with Tosh.   Even before he died the first time, their relationship had been a confusing spot.  He had always known that Tosh had a bit of a crush on him, but for the first time he had realised he wasn’t too adverse to the idea.

 

“Honestly, I think it was coming long before that.”  Owen looked over and wondered if he had said that outloud or Ianto had some sort of alien mind-reading device.  “And yes, you said that outloud.”  Ianto smiled, as if amused by Owen not realising he was musing out loud.

 

“What do you mean, then?”

 

“Well, think about it.  Tosh was probably your best friend amongst all of us.  She’s the one you went to when you knew what you planned to do wasn’t going to go over well with Jack.  You seemed more angry that she had learned about your affair with Gwen then anyone else.”

 

“That's a bad example. I’d have been pissed at any of you lot if you started reading my mind without my permission.”

 

“Yeah, but that wasn’t why it really bugged you.  It bugged you specifically that she found out about you and Gwen, you didn’t mention anything else.”

 

“And you see that as a sign we were meant to be?”

 

“No, I see it as a sign that perhaps you have never been as ambivalent about your feelings for Tosh as you might have thought.   And clearly things changed over the last year.”  Owen couldn’t argue with that.   Things had changed over the last year.  He had stopped feeling the need to bring home someone every night.  It wasn’t sure if he was just tired of it, or if falling for Diane had made him realise he wanted something more.  Either way, he hadn’t gone on a date since Jack disappeared.  And Tosh started becoming more blunt with her interest.

 

“And look at it this way.  Both of you tried to rearrange time to fix the other.” Ianto held out a thumb drive. “Here’s all the CTV footage I found pertaining to the other you, along with a few of Tosh with the Doctor.  I think you’ll find it enlightening.”

 

~*~

 

Owen started the tapes Ianto had pulled for him.  The first was of Tosh’s shooting.  He was glad he was alone, because he suddenly felt irrational anger towards the rest of them, himself included for leaving Tosh all alone with Gray.  

 

He listened as he heard her words to him all over again, filling in the blanks of audio with his own memories of what he had said.  It seemed so little now, knowing she was dying and he was apologising for not taking her out on a proper date.

 

His heart broke at her sobs when he wouldn’t respond to her calling his name. The site of himself rushing into the picture, followed by two others was a surprise.  Jack had mentioned another him, one who had come from a timeline where Tosh had died.

 

He had never imagined himself the type of person who could bend the rules of time and space to save another’s life.  Yet this other him had convinced The Doctor, the one man Jack held above all others except perhaps for Ianto, to help him go back in time and change Tosh’s fate.

 

Tosh had almost died.  Her pain was great and she passed out, and he could hear the fear in his voice as the other him called for help from the Doctor and his friend.  They moved her to the medbed, and he mentally went over what he was doing as he watched the film.  Drugs for the pain, tubes to drain the blood and fluid building in her abdomen, cuts to remove the bullet and movement to staunch the bleeding.

 

She could have bled to death.  She almost had, and in one timeline she did.  It was hard to wrap his mind around it and he had dealt with time travel before.  But the realization that the only thing that had saved her had been him going back in time.  Now that the timeline was reset, did he need to do it again?  Did this mean he would disappear and they’d be stuck in this loop forever?  He hoped not.  He’d be willing to sacrifice himself to Tosh, he was starting to realise that now, but he didn’t think he’d want her trapped in a hellish loop that meant she kept getting shot and bleeding to death.

 

The second tape was of another moment, one Jack had felt he needed to see.  It had been weird to see himself interact with Tosh, without any memory of it happening.  When the other him said those words, Owen had to stop the tape.

 

Did he love Tosh?  He was pretty sure he cared for her, definitely strongly, and there was love involved.  But did he love her the way this other Owen did, the one who said it with a sense of desperation as if he would be in pain if he didn’t get those words out.

 

He had a sinking feeling he did.

 

He pressed play, and something kept him rewinding and watching Tosh’s face when he said it.  A look of surprise, than pain as she assumed he was playing with her.  And that  _ was _ his fault.  Whatever differences there were between him and the man on the screen, they were the same man before the meltdown.  So they both created the sense in Tosh that they could never love her.

 

Except he did.  Maybe he wasn’t prepared as this other Owen was to admit it to her, but he did.  He couldn’t imagine a world without her.  Loving her had creeped up on him.  He suspected it had a lot to do with how she stood behind him, supporting him even when he treated her like crap after his....zombiehood.  She remained steadfast in her support of him, not minding staying just his best friend when he couldn’t give her more.

 

Except he had wanted to.  He had wanted to take her on that date, had wanted to dance the night away at Gwen’s wedding.  Had wanted to pull her hair out of that clip and run his hands through it while he kissed away her lipstick.  He had wanted all that.  But he had been dead, and it had seemed like he had nothing to offer her.

 

He still didn’t, for all that he was alive.  She deserved so much better, yet somehow she still wanted him.  When he finally let the video play he watched as she kissed the other him, unknowingly visiting an old fantasy he had when he was still mourning Katie and Tosh had been a safe person to fantasize about because she had been unattainable.

 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to forget that moment, but I don’t want you to think you are obligated to feel the same.”

 

“We are the same person, Tosh,” he said, turning around to find her standing in the doorway of the room he had been using.  “I don’t think obligated is the right word.  Perhaps confused would be.”

 

“Confused?”

 

In a normal conversation, this would be the point where he’d start being flippant, trying to divert attention from being so serious, but he was exhausted still.  Whatever had caused his biological functions to start working again took a lot out of him. Plus, this whole situation had taught him something.  He needed to start addressing this thing between him and Tosh before became too late.  Before he either died for good or she did.  Like she almost had if it hadn’t been for the other him.

 

And that really was still hard to think about.  There had been another him, who was currently seen on the screen behind paused as he had wrapped his arms around Tosh.

 

Tosh had changed her outfit, wearing one of her more business-like outfits. He wondered how long he had been watching the videos, because she clearly had enough time to wake up, shower and get dressed in the meantime.  If it hadn’t been the achy exhausted feeling and the video behind him he could probably have made himself believe nothing had changed.  That the last six months or so had been a dream.

 

“Well, as the other Owen made clear, I’ve got a thing for you.”  Her lips moved a little into a half smirk he found adorable, and made him return it with one of his own.  “And I think we both know it's been clear that you were interested.”  

 

Over the last few hours he had come to realise a few things.  One, his thing for Tosh had been growing since they met.  He had never been indifferent to her, and his crush and what he was coming to believe was love for her made him uncomfortable for so long.  Too close to what he he had felt for Katie, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to go through that again.

 

That other Owen had.  Tosh had been  _ dead _ and that was a rude awakening on how life was too short to keep from going after what you want because you are afraid it's going to end up crushing you in the end.  The jealousy he felt when Tommy was around that he had told himself was just the concern for his best friend.  The way when she would be more overt in her interest he’d try and twist it into something else.  Sometimes even being a bit cruel about it.

 

“Does that change anything.”

 

“Everything and nothing at all.”

 

“That makes sense.”

 

“It's hard for me to understand how that Owen had the bravery to tell you how he feels, how I feel.”

 

“Apparently me dying kicked you into action.”  She sighed, and walked into the room to sit in the chair next to him.  “Look, I’m not going to hold you to what he said. And it's okay if you don’t feel that strongly about me.”  She looked as tired as he felt.  This had been an emotionally and physically exhausting few weeks. “We don’t have to do this all in one day - or ever if you don’t want to.  I don’t want you to be with me because you think you should be out of some weird..”

 

“I think we already covered the obligation part.  On both our sides.  Did you feel obligated to tell me you loved me when I was dying?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then believe me when I say I don’t feel obligated to tell you I love you either.  Its just the truth.” He sighed.  “Time Travel fucks everything over, doesn’t it?”

 

She nodded her head, her lips twitching in amusement.  “It certainly doesn’t uncomplicate matters.”

 

“It does however give me ideas...”  She rolled her eyes as she saw him glance at the screen, still paused with the two of them kissing on it. 

 

“No, Owen, we are not taping ourselves having sex.”  She stood up to walk out, but leaned down to whisper in his ear before he left.  “At least not _here_.”

  
  



End file.
